Arkansas' Bielema most likely to replace Spurrier as SEC's funny man
HOOVER, Ala. – With Steve Spurrier no longer around to torment his fellow coaches (Nick Saban began his time at the main podium Wednesday by saying, “I'm usually up here responding to some barb from Coach Spurrier, who is no longer with us and is retired, and probably playing a lot of golf”), Bret Bielema of Arkansas embraces his new responsibility as the SEC’s funniest and most quotable coach.
Always ready to provide a witty or funny quip to whoever is listening, Bielema has become the new go-to guy for any SEC media scribe desiring an amusing comment or two.
Good example: Last year, Bielema described the final moments of Arkansas’ 2014 bowl victory over Texas as “borderline erotic.”
Not surprisingly, Bielema won the day.
Wednesday, Bielema, beginning his fourth season in Fayetteville, arrived at the Hyatt Regency Birmingham – The Wynfrey Hotel armed and ready to entertain the troops.
He didn’t disappoint, drawing more laughs during his 30 minutes at the main podium than any previous coach at SEC Media Days.
Asked how he learned the future home-and-home series against Michigan had been cancelled when the Wolverines agreed to renew the series with Notre Dame, Bielema took a lighthearted jab at his wife.
“I was in Europe with my wife. We were on a train headed to Paris,” Bielema said. “My wife said, ‘Hey, there's something on the Internet about a Big Ten team canceling with an SEC team. I said, ‘I don't know anything about it.’ She said, Really? Your picture's right here. She's real quick.”
Even though the Razorbacks have been labeled a smash mouth football team since Bielema left Wisconsin to take over the Arkansas program in 2013, Arkansas finished second in the SEC last season in scoring (35.9 ppg) and total offense (465.5 ypg), and third in passing offense (268.2 ypg).
Yet, Arkansas must replace most of its key offensive weapons from last season.
“At Arkansas we're not built very sexy, we're just kind of a work in progress,” Bielema said. “We need a lot of time in the bathroom to get ready and come out and look great. But when we do, we'll stop time. At some point, we'll get to where we want to be. And when we get there, it just means a little bit more.”
What did Bielema say to Texas A&M coach Kevin Sumlin after the Aggies beat Arkansas, 28-21, in overtime last season?
“When we got done with the game and we walked across to shake hands, he said, ‘I don't know what to say.’ I said, ‘Don't say anything, I might punch you,” Bielema said.
Bielema recently attended the wedding of former Wisconsin and current Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson to Ciara at a castle in England.
Where did Bielema sit? “I just sat and watched. I was the guy in the eighth row in the outside seat,” he said.
NOTES
-- After a difficult first season in 2013, Bielema led Arkansas to 7-6 and 8-5 records in 2014 and 2015, respectively, Last season, the Razorbacks shook off a 2-4 start by going 6-1 in the second half of the season, including a 45-23 victory over Kansas State in the Liberty Bowl. After winning just two conference games in his first two years, Bielema was 5-3 vs. SEC teams in 2015. “I look at the three losses and realize we lost in overtime to A&M, lost a heartbreaker on a game-winning field goal against Mississippi State and led Alabama at half and couldn't close it out,” Bielema said. “I realized we're getting really close to where we want to be.”
-- Junior Austin Allen, younger brother of former Arkansas quarterback Brandon Allen, takes over at quarterback for the Razorbacks. Brandon Allen threw for 3,440 yards and 30 touchdowns in 2015. Austin Allen has thrown just 19 passes in his college career backing up his older brother. “They are different cats. They have different personalities, different temperament,” Bielema said comparing the Allen brothers. “For three years, Austin Allen sat there and watched his older brother, who he loves, go through a lot of success but also a lot of failure. He's (Austin) got a little bit different demeanor. He's a very aggressive person by nature. I think we'll have to calm him down rather than juice him up. He throws a tremendous long ball, a very, very intelligent player.”
-- Arkansas also lost talented tight end Hunter Henry and leading rusher Alex Collins, both of whom declared early for the 2016 NFL Draft. Collins rushed for 1,577 yards and 20 touchdowns last season. Kody Walker (394 rushing yards, 6 TDs in 2015) is atop the preseason depth chart at running back entering camp.
-- Arkansas faces a tough early test when they travel to TCU for a Week 2 matchup in Fort Worth, Texas. Last season, the Razorbacks hosted Texas Tech. TCU goes to Fayetteville in 2017 for the back half of a home-and-home series. “(Our) AD had a nice idea to throw TCU into the mix before we take on the SEC West,” Bielema said. “One hell of an idea. So I'm very excited about seeing Coach (Gary) Patterson. I see him once a year on a Nike trip. That's good enough for me. I don't really want to play him. That's what we're going to do.”
-- Despite Michigan cancelling the home-and-home series with Arkansas and the recent controversy about satellite camps, Bielema spoke highly of Jim Harbaugh: “I’ve got tremendous respect for Jim. I know a lot of people like to throw darts at Michigan with all that's going on right now. I love a guy that speaks his mind, as you can tell from knowing me. I love the way he coaches the game. I know several people that know him. I know his father and his brother are halfway decent.”